Something creative.

I'm sitting in the library (It's a new thing for me I know! Don't judge! ;] haha jk) trying to get some work done. It's proving to be difficult because I am not a good self motivator! I have SO much I'm thinking about too! My whole world is upside-down. I've come to the conclusion that the only thing to do about it is pray and blog. Well, not so much blog as it is to at least write down what I'm thinking. I have to get it out so I can physically see my thoughts! LOSER! :) With a memory like mine it's important to write things down so you can remember it later! :)

Life has so much to offer. Christ being the center. That's definitely where I want to be, and definitely where I'm not. College has definitely changed me, but I don't know if it has necessarily changed me or if it has just shown me who I am. As most people know, I like to learn about people and myself. Or maybe they don't know. Maybe that's a part of me that people don't see. I feel most comfortable with life when I know I'm living it as God created me to live it. When I am being myself, the person that God knitted together in my mother's womb, I am so happy! And when I'm by myself I know who that person is. I've needed some by myself down time lately. I have had about an hour and a half of that and it feels good! haha... It's raining outside and it's so refreshing! Looking at it I feel like I've just cried, but I haven't! Just plenty of sighs of relief. God is holding my hands and saying, "Look at me, it's going to be okay!"

Friends. I have a lot of those. But I don't have that one group of tight knit people that I hang out with on the weekends. That's kind of hard for me. Although I LOVE hanging out with all the wonderful people I'm surrounded with, when I need someone to talk to I feel like I'm just pouring my guts out to people who don't really know what to say and don't really care to be listening. Not in a poor me way haha, but I just ramble and they aren't quite understanding and would rather be writing that paper that's due tomorrow. I use to share my life with everyone... but I found that's not good either! haha But blogging for real helps! It's not that I need people's advice... I pretty much know what I need to do... but it's just nice to think things through and have someone listen!

So enough of the ambiguous talk right!? haha Right now I'm stressing. But more about life than about getting my homework done and stuff. I am SO scared to make a wrong decision. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be doing what God wants me. So instead I wait until the last minute when my decision is made for me. Still kind of ambiguous I guess! haha... For example, what do I need to do next year? Where do I need to be? I want to be challenged. I have been LAZY this year!! I definitely need to get another job. So that's taken care of. But as far as a ministry? I need to COMMIT! Oh did I mention I have commitment issues? I want to be a part of everything and still do what I want when I want. It doesn't happen like that. Hasn't ever, and I won't be the first! haha I want to RUSH in the fall... I think it would be such a unique experience! But I want to be involved with the BCM and be a strong leader! Is that where God wants me? Can I do both of those? I'm not quite sure! haha Date... don't date? WOW... what a topic. And I'm not very good at listening to God on this one anyways. I don't care to be dating anyone. I know big shock right? Lindsey the boy crazy one doesn't care if she's dating someone or not? But isn't that what she always wants? NO. It's not... yea I joke around about WKU basketball players (don't act like y'all don't know I'm obsessed! ;] ) Yes I love WKU basketball and I joke around, but that doesn't mean I'm for real about any of it. It's always taken so literally. I love the game of basketball. Period. I love WKU basketball. Period. Not the players! Sure it's nice to be noticed by a guy, and it's fun to point out who I find attractive but I don't want this to be something that's always talked about. It's SO OLD. 13 years of talking about guys is enough. Can I please move on with my life?! I feel like I give so many people the wrong impression. But that's what they have in their head and it's not easy to change it. I want to tho. I wanna be fully ME and not fit into the mold of who people THINK I am. That's not the mold I fit any more for sure. I want to be stretched and challenged! I want to DO something! I want to work for something! I want to put myself WHOLLY into something! And Christ needs to be that! Oh it feels so nice to say it all! I can BREATHE!

It's starting to thunder! I LOVE storms! I can't tell you how relieved I feel! I can move on w/ my day and write my papers now! :) So if you need me that's where I'll be! I'm sure I won't argue about a little break from those!

Love you all!

OH... LOVE that's another topic I feel strongly about now... but I'll wait to ramble about that until later! haha