Can't Sleep...

THis is on my facebook... but I thought I'd add it as a blog as well...

I just got home from Texas today, and I am having trouble sleeping. Not that those things correlate... but, yes. All I can do is lay here and think... I'm sick of thinking.

I just want to be fuly satisfied in Christ.
I know it's something that I will constantly strive for, but I'm drowning here.

I'm always looking for reasons I do what I do, reasons I think HOW I think. Trying to make things fit.
confusing, I know.
example... "OH, I guess I do this b/c this happened to me at this time. and I think I do this b/c secretly I want this to turn out like this."
That probably still doesn't make sense... but I know what I mean.

I've been so irratable today. I don't know why.
I'm tired of everyone's negative attitude (including my own)
I'm sick of everyone's "Woe is me"
I don't feel sorry for me... I love my life... I am just having trouble right now, understanding the decisons I make and my thought process... but it's just something to work through. Things WILL get better. I AM on God's side... even if I feel a bit lost sometimes...
I have no tolerance for people who are mean to other people.
I don't want to have to sugar coat things for everyone, so their feelings don't get hurt. But none the less, I still don't want to hurt people's feelings...
I hate the whole I don't care about anything motto, yes, you do care, if you're really honest with yourself.

I hate those really long, and sometimes short, emo satus's... I have one now... but I hate them...

I feel pretty blunt right now.
I don't like being used, taken advantage of, or lied to. I didn't realize how much this actually happened.

I want to have a day where I play OUTSIDE ALL day playing. Eating popsicles. running in the sprinkler. playing Indian princess under the willow tree in my back yard. Back when the only thing that annoyed me or upset me was when my siblings took a toy. Oh... the summer days. Basketball. Club houses. Secret passwords. It all sounds so soothing. In fact, I do believe that will help me to sleep now.

I'm pretty much just rambling... these are my thoughts... THis is how they are processesed. Probably makes a little more sense why I don't USUALLY make sense when talking with people.

I like flying. I like meeting new people. I like learning about me. But I like learning about them more. I like to try new things, even when it's hard, and I don't want to try them that moment.

God is good.
Life is perfect, enough. <-- my motto, I think...
Looking back on this... I just need to remember to love. Yep... that is key.
Love God. Love People.
Laugh it off...

I told you I'd write... It's just a little late. It surprises me that I haven't, because we all know that I've needed to let a lot of things out. God is still pulling on my heart. And I'm fighting to let go of it and my life and fully surrender everything to Him. It's hard, especially because I like to be in control. But who doesn't, right? The more emmersed in His Word I am, the deeper I fall in love with Him. He's the lover of my soul, despite all flaws. As a woman, I long to love hard, and to be loved. And the more distracted with that desire I become, the more I realize, that's not exactly what I want, but I want to be captivated by the Creator of the Universe! And that's where I am.

There are so many places Christ could be taking me, I want to stop worrying, stop trying to figure it out on my own, stop trying to plan my life. My life is already in a plan full of Christ's glory, I am going to stick with that one.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God is GOOD.

I am in Texas right now, visiting my aunt, and we are having tons of fun! : ) It is so nice to relax and be away from the consant hustle and bustle of life at home. I've slept in TWICE already!! :) We got our nails and toenails done yesterday, that's quite out of the ordinary! I have no appointments or deadlines to meet! I am definitely enjoying the time I have here! But I'll be excited to come home too! I flew here, and I love it!! haha... I have to say I was a little nervous because I haven't flown in a while, but it was most enjoyable! : )

So I'm trying to read some more Jane Austen, she is a BRILLIANT writer, and I love her! haha... And I've been working out while I'm here!! It's so easy to be in a routine when I am away from home. I love being in a routine, and relaxing and having fun! :) But I am going to quit writing before I ramble lots more... I'll try to write again soon! :)

Linds. <><